NCLEX-RN

NCLEX-RN.  Only one of the most difficult and important tests of my life.  The exam that determines whether I'm a licensed nurse or not.  The exam where "everyone walks out feeling like they failed."  The exam that analyzes your every answer to determine which question to give you next, up to the point where you should have a 50% chance of answering each question correctly.

Needless to say, NCLEX-RN is the source of more than just a little stress in every nursing student's life.  To me, this is the test that determines whether I am fit to be a nurse or not, meaning it determines my forever future! Because of the immense weight of this exam, I kept it mostly secret.  I only told a handful of people that I was taking it, and that was pretty much a need-to-know thing.

I feel like my experience with the NCLEX-RN was unusual.  It took me 2 months to get authorized to take the exam, and by that time I was working out of state at a summer youth program called EFY.  I hadn't studied for at least 3 weeks, but I signed up to take the exam just 3 days after 2 exhausting weeks at EFY.  I was mildly panicking when I received confirmation of my exam date.

I prepared carefully and quickly for the exam, the select few people aware of this monumental event fasted and prayed with me.  Thankfully, when the time came, I was surprisingly calm, despite how little last-minute studying and review I'd completed.  I walked into the exam surprisingly confident and unconcerned about the outcome.  I walked out glad to be finished, though anxious to receive my results.  Just today, I was able to check online and I'm pleased to say, I am a newly licensed, registered nurse. (Officially, my results won't come for another month, but the state of California recognizes that I can legally practice as a registered nurse which means... I PASSED!)

I want to send out a major THANK YOU to everyone who supported and encouraged me, everyone who helped me get here, and everyone who sent up prayers in my behalf because you really do make a difference.

How badly do you want to be a nurse?

This seems to be the theme of my life lately.

I've applied for more than 10 jobs and received 7 negative responses.  The rest,... I haven't heard from at all.

I'm waiting, and waiting for my authorization to take the NCLEX-RN exam so I can get my registered nurse license.

Then, today, I find out that authorization may not be coming because my application is incomplete.  Apparently, the Board of Nursing hasn't received my transcript yet, even though it should have been mailed to them a week ago.  I'm hoping that they actually have my transcript and that I received the notification in error related to delayed processing, or crossing paths in the mail, or something.  Unfortunately, I can't double check with the Board of Nursing for another 4 weeks due to the "high volume of calls" they receive.

I'm bummed.  And a little frustrated.  Several of my friends already have jobs and are passing the NCLEX-RN.  I want to be a real live nurse so badly, but that just isn't happening very fast.  I never thought the time spent after nursing school would be so challenging.

How badly do I want to be a nurse?  Badly enough to deal with the frustration and disappointment of hunting for a job in this economy.  Badly enough to accept the fact that I have an impressive education history, but a wimpy employment history, in a job market that values experience above most everything else.  Badly enough to know that no matter what happens, I cannot and will not give up on my dream.

How badly do I want to be a nurse?  ...that's a question not even worth answering.

Sunshine and Roses

Life isn't always sunshine and roses.  Sometimes, life really stinks and for those that are the confidants, the listening ear, and the stoics it isn't any better.  

This is an incredible post:  To the Strong:  It's Okay to be Sad

I love being the listening ear, I love when I can help lift someone up from the dark abyss of hopelessness.  The only problem is that it's hard to know where to turn for help out of your own personal potholes, and without being a contortionist you can't really use your own shoulder to cry on.  

So, this post goes to those that solve everyone's crises and quiet every concern.  It's okay to cry and it's okay to reach out for help.  Even the strong have their limits.

Music

This is really random, but I absolutely love this song:



...And I also really like the band Imagine Dragons

Enjoy!

(Im)Pending Graduation

It's hard to believe that I'm about to graduate from college.  It's been four years of excitement, friends, and successes.  It's also been four years of stress, pain, drama, and yes, even failures.  Thankfully, the good times far outweigh the bad, which I have to tell myself almost every day.

Honestly, I never thought I'd get to this point in life.  I never thought I'd get to my senior year without getting married.  I never thought I would survive nursing school.  I never thought I wouldn't "go out with a bang," but right now that's the way it's looking.  Yes, school is going well and I absolutely love nursing, but my college career is certainly not ending the way I thought it would.  I always thought I would graduate from nursing school and take a job wherever my husband was working or going to school.  I always thought I would have a million friends by now and party away my last semester of nursing school.  Unfortunately, it isn't working out that way.

I have no idea where I'm going to work after graduation.  I don't know where I'm going to be living in 3 months.  There are so many decisions to make still and so much still to do before I'm done.  Even with all my "free" time between classes and my capstone clinical schedule, I live a really boring life.  But, it's okay.  It's all going to work out.  I'll find a job, I'll figure out where I'm supposed to live, maybe I'll take up a hobby.  Whatever happens, it all happens for a reason.

My Sweet,

I want you to always know that I love you more than anything.  You will always have a place by my side, no matter who else I'm hanging out with.  I want you to always feel included and comfortable with my circle of friends.

I promise to never push you to the side no matter what is going on in my life.  You will always be my #1.  It is not a competition for my love and attention, you hold a piece of my heart which I can never take back and I could never share with another.  You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I can't imagine a life without you.


I hope that we will have so many inside jokes, funny secrets, and knowing glances that imply meanings we could never utter aloud for fear of being called crazy.  These will be a sacred part of who we are as a couple.

We each have our own unique identities, but when we are together, you make me into so much more.  I strive to always be my best self for you and for our life together.  Our roles may be different, but I promise to recognize all you do for me and for us.  I love our teamwork and ability to solve problems, hand-in-hand.  There are some things I just can't do alone and you may never know how much I appreciate your strength.


I love you with all my heart.  You are my favorite.  Don't let me forget this, because times will get tough and I don't want to lose you.

All my love.

The Nativity

I know this is a little late for Christmas, but I've been kind of stuck on the Nativity story lately.  I've been looking at the different characters, or roles, in the nativity story and what we can learn from each of them.  Each part of the nativity story is there for a reason, the tale of the shepherds, the wisemen, the innkeeper... there's a reason why they are mentioned in the scripture stories.

My personal list of characters (in order of appearance):
Innkeeper (Luke 2:7)
Shepherds (Luke 2:8-20)
Simeon (Luke 2:25-35)
Anna (Luke 2:36-38)
Wisemen (Matthew 2:1-11)

Each of these characters plays an important role in the story of Christ's birth and stand as examples or measuring sticks to evaluate the part Christ plays in our lives.

First, Mary and Joseph encounter the Innkeepers that had no room to accommodate the small family.  Now, without being there, my appraisal of the situation is that the Innkeepers had no idea just who they was turning away that day in Bethlehem.  Whatever the circumstances, they were too busy, or too preoccupied, or too impatient to make room for Mary, Joseph, and the expectant Savior of the World.

Second, we meet the shepherds that heard the angels singing praises to the infant Christ child, saw the star and left their flocks to worship Him.  They left behind their livelihood, their way of life, and immediately answered the call to see and worship the Good Shepherd.

Third, we find Simeon and Anna at the Temple.  Simeon is a devout man of God that received a revelation telling him that on that day, he would see the salvation of men as promised to him.  Anna, a righteous widow, has spent the past 80-ish years worshiping and serving in the temple daily, which is no small feat by any standards.  Each of them prophesied of Christ's divinity in the temple while He was still just an infant in arms.

Lastly, we see the Wisemen come to the child, Jesus.  The Wisemen studied and knew the signs of the birth of their Lord, but they also watched for them.  They not only were prepared to see them, but they were ready and willing to heed those signs.  Travelling for many months, they brought the child gifts fit for a King, while neglecting to bring any gifts to the reigning King Herod.

With this cursory summary, I ask myself, what part would I have played in the Nativity?  Would I be an Innkeeper, unable to find room in my house and in my heart for the Christ child?  Am I a shepherd, willing to leave behind all of my worldly concerns to worship the Lord?  Am I Simeon or Anna, watching and preparing for the day when the Savior will come to His temple?  Am I a Wiseman, watching for the signs, then working and seeking out the Lord through those revelations, bringing Him the most precious sacrifice I have to offer?  What do I need to do to fill the role I want?

What role do you play?