The Curse of Technology

Don't get me wrong, I love the internet.  I love that we can easily stay in touch with and keep tabs on so many wonderful people in our lives.  However, technology is both a blessing and a curse.

A week and a half ago, I accidentally dropped my laptop.  I hadn't backed up any of my files, of course, and now I am without all of my school stuff, and my computer.  You have no idea how much it sucks to try to go to college without a computer (especially as finals draw nearer).  Sure, I can go to the library, I can use the computers on campus, but when you consider how much time I spend on a computer in a week and how much I have to print, email, and type every week, the library just isn't a very feasible option.  Fortunately, I can stay up to date on emails via my phone, which is great for my students.  However, I can't really look up their grades, which were thankfully saved to my flashdrive, without a computer.  It sucks.  I never knew just how connected I was to technology via my little 6 lb (?) laptop computer.

Thankfully I am able to rent a laptop from BYU, until I can get my computer fixed but it still sucks.  I just want my computer back.  It's like starting everything all over because I have nothing.  I had no templates to help me write the 2 papers that I just turned in.  No example papers that I had saved in my files.  I have nothing from the past 3 years of college!  Plus, it just sucks to be working on a computer that is so different than your own and that has nothing of your own on it.  I have had to change several of the defaults just to make the rental a little more bearable, but the changes only stick if I don't ever shut down the computer.

This sucks, and I feel so dumb for (A)being in this situation and (B)being so effected by the loss of a freakin computer!  I mean, come on, it's not like I just lost my legs, or broke my arm, or had my apartment burn down.  It's just a freakin computer!  Despite all the logic telling me that it doesn't really matter, I still feel like I just lost a huge chunk of my life.  My computer was my connection to my family, friends, school, work, everything.  It sounds really dramatic, but that's kind of how it feels.  I never thought a simple computer could mean so much...

...Sorry for the drama.  The moral of the story is:  be grateful for your computers, but just remember, it could all be gone in a matter of moments.

My Passion

If you know me at least the slightest bit, you will know that nursing is my passion.  I love it!  I live it, I breathe it.  If you want to get my attention start talking about medical stuff and you will likely have a captive audience.  (Though, fair warning, be prepared to hear more than you could ever want to know about nursing.)  Nursing is my life because I love it and have let it seep into every inch of my life.

Today I was talking with my clinical instructor about how much I love nursing, but not just any nursing.  I specifically love women's health--which can be quite an awkward topic to talk about, fun fact.  Anyway, right now I am very torn as to what field to "specialize" in, or do my capstone/internship in.  I absolutely L-O-V-E Labor and Delivery, but I feel like you don't see as much variety in Labor and Delivery.  On the flipside, I enjoy emergency/critical care nursing, and I would learn a lot more diverse skills, though I don't think it's what I want to do for the rest of my life.

Blech!  I hate making decisions like this.  Fortunately, I have 6-8 months before I have to actually make these decisions.  Let's just hope I can actually make up my mind during that time.  Haha :-)

People Matter

This week, I cried.  I cried a lot.  I called home on the verge of tears at least 3 times, every time ending the call with a stuffy nose and red eyes.  I wasn't getting enough sleep, I had too much to do, I wasn't feeling motivated, I kept messing up, and I felt like a failure.

Well, things aren't quite as bad now.  I mean sure, I'm still not sleeping enough, I'm not very motivated to work hard, I can't fix any of the stupid mistakes I made, and I still feel inadequate.

The only difference from the beginning of my week and the end of my week has been attitude.  At the beginning of the week, I was so focused on me and how hard everything was.  I couldn't seem to see beyond myself and even consider someone else.  Everything changed on Wednesday, not because it got easier, but because I had other things that mattered besides me.  A friend had a birthday, my apartment complex had a big activity, I played volleyball with a bunch of friends... I could name several more things that have changed my week.

The one thing they all have in common?  People.  The commonality that helped me find myself again was spending time with people.  That sounds really strange, but when I'm having fun with my friends or getting to know new people in exciting environments, I am so much less important than I had thought.  My problems don't matter because people matter more, and to show people they matter is to spend time with them, care about them, serve them.  In return, you find that the problems you thought you had are nothing in comparison to the love you feel when you're surrounded by amazing people.

My dearest Husband-to-be,

            I’m waiting for you.  I dream about you all the time.  I can’t wait to spend the rest of eternity with you.  I hope you are just as anxious and excited for that day.

            I want you to know that I am absolutely in love with your smile and your laugh.  I love when you tell me you love me, especially when you say it first.  I love to be wrapped in the security of your arms.  I can’t wait till the day when I will be comfortable with your hand on my not-so-thin waist because you won’t care whether I am a size 2 or a size 20. 

            Sometimes, I will get stressed and be ridiculous, please forgive me, it’s one of my flaws.  When this happens, all I need is for you to wrap me in your arms and remind me that it’s going to be okay.  Sometimes I will forget what you say to me, and I’m sorry, I really do try.  I promise to always love you and to always make you feel my love.  I can’t promise that I will be the most romantic person ever, but I promise to always cherish the moments we have together.

Anxiously waiting,

Katrina

4 Days of Pseudo-Parenthood

These past four days, I've been blessed to spend a lot of time with this little girl:

I love those wide and happy eyes  :-)

This is one of my adorable nieces.

The reason why I've been seeing so much of her is because my brother and sister-in-law just had their second child on Thursday and they've been in the hospital recovering.

During that time, I've been enjoying pseudo-parenthood.  I got her dressed in the morning, made sure she ate breakfast/lunch/dinner, coordinated with others for childcare, and got her ready for bed and laid down to sleep each day.  On Sunday, I even had her bathed and dressed for church and made sure she behaved in her nursery class.  (I also had to figure out when to go visit at the hospital so she could see her new baby sister.)

Aren't they so precious?

Through all this it has been very clear that being a parent really is a full-time job, and that's after only doing it for 4 days!

Even though it was possibly some of the most demanding days, I miss it and wouldn't change anything.  Seeing her eyes light up when she smiles, hearing her laugh her head off at the silliest things, and even calming her precious tears (and tantrums) from missing her mommy make it all worth it.

I don't exactly know why, but whenever I get to spend a significant amount of time with my nieces/nephews, I always walk away a little sad to say goodbye.  I think part of it might be because I've always wanted to be a parent and part of it could be that it's mostly just fun and games for me (since it isn't full-time and I'm allowed to spoil my nieces/nephews).

Anyway, this adventure, as one of many, in pseudo-parenthood, has been really fun and rewarding.  I can't wait until I have kids of my own that I can watch grow and learn.  ...I guess I should probably find a husband first...  Well, I guess while I'm waiting for my prince, I will just have to suffice with practicing on other peoples' children.  :-)

Dreaming of babies,

Katrina

PS, I'm totally okay with blind dates (hint hint)  :-)

A Formal Expression of Intention

(Aka, a resolution)

I don't usually make any particular New Year's Resolutions, but this year is different.  Instead of making the common resolutions--eat healthy, lose weight, go to the gym--I'm trying something a little more meaningful.  (That seems to be a major theme in my life lately, though that will have to wait for another post.)

12 Resolutions for 2012

Some of you may remember that this last year, particularly this last semester, was quite difficult for me.  There were some dark days when I was just way to stressed to think straight, and I never want to be in that position again.  That experience inspired me to make these resolutions:

1.  Don't sweat the small stuff

2.  Enjoy the journey, even if it sucks

3.  Care less

4.  Have fun, make happy memories

I realized that I was so stressed last semester because I kept focusing and worrying about the small, meaningless things and then trying to be perfect in every aspect.  Thankfully, by the end I was beginning to see the big picture and not worry as much about the little things.

As a secondary effect of the heavy course load and nearly-constant state of panic (haha), I had essentially no social life.  :-(  I mean, I spent a fair amount of time with my brother and sister-in-law, my roommate/best friend, and a couple other friends from the nursing program, but it felt like a pretty pathetic life.  I wasn't getting to know new people, I would go stir-crazy in my apartment, and I felt like I hardly ever did anything fun.  (Even though that is definitely not true.)  So, I decided I needed these resolutions:

5.  Meet new people (Be more outgoing)

6.  Get to know more people in my ward

7.  Go on more dates

8.  Love completely (Christ-like love to all people and maybe romantically, too)

Then I also made some resolutions that are just for the heck of it:

9.  Keep my apartment clean

10.  Study the Book of Mormon every day

11.  Speak my mind (Be more open and decisive)

12.  Do hard things with confidence

What are your New Year's Resolutions?

Here we sit...

...back in my ghetto apartment after 2 1/2 weeks in California, my roommate passed out on the couch next to me, 2 new missionary letters sitting read on my desk, to-do list growing by the second, pondering the course of my life and this winter semester.

First of all, I had a wonderful time in California, with my family and friends, for Christmas and New Year's.  Christmas day was rather stressful for me, though I survived and thoroughly enjoyed the time away from school, the time away from cold and grey Utah, and the time I got to spend with those that I love.  As always, tears were shed as I bid my family goodbye for another 4 month stint. 

Since then, I have survived the first 2 days of classes, though I have to admit I could have done with a little more sleep...  This semester is going to be long and difficult, just like last semester, though I'm excited to get to spend time in Labor/Delivery, Mother/Baby, and Pediatrics.  I absolutely L-O-V-E-D my first clinical in Labor and Delivery, which began today.  I was having so much fun that I couldn't wipe the goofy grin off my face all day and my shift passed much too quickly.  Here's to the start of another GREAT semester!