Mission, Marriage, and Me

This week was finals week and during all the breaks between studying (read: periods of procrastination) I spent a lot of time thinking and reflecting.   

What really got me started was a meeting that I had on Monday with my ICU instructor, Sondra, who also was my instructor for Ecuador.  During our little end-of-semester wrap-up, she shared with me a little about what made it possible for me to go to Ecuador.  Part of the process of our study abroad application was to have an interview with the instructor to see what we had to bring to the table with our skills, personalities, knowledge, and experience.  When I interviewed with Sondra, I was nervous beyond belief.  I had no idea what to say and all of my high school Spanish evaporated off the tip of my tongue! I felt especially drawn to Ecuador and just knew I couldn’t afford to screw up.  Little did I know, but Sondra somehow could tell that I needed Ecuador.

Our instructors for Ecuador, Susie (left) and Sondra (right)

As I was talking to her on Monday she said, "Katrina, I don't think I ever told you this, but when I was conducting interviews for Ecuador, I just knew you needed to go with me.  I don't know why, and I knew you didn't speak Spanish, but I just knew I needed to take you to Ecuador with me.  This doesn't happen very often and most of the time it feels like 'it's okay, this person can go anywhere and get a great experience ' but with you, I knew you needed to go to Ecuador"  This sent my jaw to the floor and my mind reeling as I searched frantically to figure out why.  Why?  What did I need from that experience that I couldn't get somewhere else?

Over the next few days, I continued to mull this over in my head, frantically searching for the reason behind it all, when finally it just clicked.  This may sound really weird, but Sondra's statement is a second witness to me that I'm not going to serve a mission anytime soon.  When they announced the reduced age for missionary service, I felt like I'm not going to serve a mission, which I'd been struggling with.  Then, after talking with Sondra and reflecting about my experiences in Ecuador, I felt a confirmation that I won't be serving a mission (at least not anytime soon).  :-(

Some of the most precious children I've ever seen

In Ecuador, I proved myself.  I know what it’s like to be away from home with no solid way to contact my family.  I know what it’s like to talk to complete strangers and to truly love them.  I learned a lot about what kind of person I was and what I need to do with my life.  I need to love and serve people.  I also needed to learn that it’s okay to be on my own, I can handle myself and do anything I put my mind to. 

Admiring the Salt Lake Temple

This second part of the realization clicked on Wednesday when I was at Temple Square with my roommates and I had a few minutes to wander off and do my own thing.  I don’t constantly need someone by my side as I do fun things.  I can experience life all on my own!  This may sounds really dumb, but this was kind of a shock to me because I always felt that if I didn’t get married I’d really be a failure, which is NOT TRUE!  I can do anything.  I am confident, competent, and capable.  I don’t need someone to hold my hand while I do hard things because I can do them on my own.  …With that said, I haven’t lost all hope/desire to get married.  I don’t want to have to live my life on my own, but at least now I know I can, and that’s okay.