Pride and Prejudice

So yes, I am now one of those girls that reads Jane Austen.  I recently picked up Pride and Prejudice from the library and it's my first Jane Austen encounter.  So far, it's a pretty good book, though I admit some of the dated language is not my favorite to read.

Anyway, I've been reading Pride and Prejudice and I kind of feel like a Charlotte Lucas.  Plain Jane, nothing fantastic.  I'm praying that I don't end up settling for a Mr. Collins.  Haha.  Sure, he's a good guy, but I don't want to just be content.  I want happily ever after.

I want the love of my life.
My other half.
My best friend.
My partner in crime.
Forever and for always.

And I want to be all that to somebody.

And you know what, I know it will happen.  Someday, somewhere, it will happen.  The only way it won't happen is if I give up.  If I choose to settle.  So, I'm not going to let myself be like Charlotte Lucas, I'm going to hold out.  Stick to my guns.

Be the Elizabeth Bennett I know I am and can be.
Find my Mr. Darcy.

...or perhaps let him find me.  ;-)

Stargazing and an Epiphany

Saturday night, I went with a bunch of friends up to Ice House Road, Pollock Pines, to go stargazing.  It was a beautiful night.  The sky was clear, we were far above any light pollution from the city, and it wasn't as cold as I had expected.  There were several shooting stars throughout the night.  And I swear, there were more stars visible than I'd seen in the planetarium when I took astronomy.

This was the point where I had my epiphany.  One of my friends pointed out that seeing so many stars in such a vast, open space makes him feel small, which he didn't really like.  Personally, I love seeing so many stars and God's beautiful creations.  I never really think about how small and insignificant we really are until I look at the big, intergalactic, eternal picture.  And unlike my friend, I realized,

I like to feel small.

That sounds so strange, but I like to know there is more out there than what I can see and feel around me.  I even like when I find people that know more than me.  Granted, I'm not so fond of people that try to one-up me, especially in my own strengths.  For some reason, I like the humbling experience of realizing I don't know everything--so long as that realization doesn't come from someone being cocky.  (I used to be one of those "know-it-all"s, but I like to think I've changed.)

I love to learn.

If I find out that you know something interesting that I don't, I will likely ask you questions.  Pick your brain.  Learn what I can.  Until my curiosity is satisfied.

And I think this kind of brings me back to my post "What are YOU thinking about?"  I realize, I am kind of a know-it-all, and that is intimidating.  But really, I don't care if you know anything about nursing, or physiology, or chemistry, or biology, or mathematics.  I like when my friends have different backgrounds and strengths because then we lift each other up.  We teach each other.  We learn together.  And to me, that's what friendships and relationships are all about, people working together to better themselves and each other.  So, instead of being intimidated by intelligent, or experienced, or brave, or bold people, I think we should seek them out.  If you meet someone that knows something different from you, has a different opinion, or even just a different personality, become their friend.  Maybe you can learn something from them and they can learn something from you at the same time.  You'd be surprised.

California State Fair

Today was a fun day at the state fair.  Yes, it was freaking hot outside, but it was still really fun.

Why?

Well, I nanny this cute little girl, she's 1 1/2 years old, and we just have fun together.  And today, I got to take her to the fair with me.  It was a cool experience to get to see everything from the point of view of a one year-old.  She loved the animals and wanted to pet every one.  She also wanted to be out running around, but her little legs tired so quickly, which meant she wanted to be carried.  I'm so thankful for strollers!  I was even fortunate enough to get her to take a nap.  (It was only 30 minutes, but when she woke up, she was happy and ready to get going again.)

I now also realize why going to the fair has never been a big deal in my family.  It's a long, hot day.  And when you have little kids, you have to be creative and find things that interest them.  Sure, if you're made of money it would be easy because then you would just pay for all of the bells and whistles, but if you're not, like myself, then you learn to enjoy the free attractions.  :-)

Anyway, it was a fun day.  If possible, you should visit the California State Fair, it's cool.  :-)

Going Public

My blog used to be "private" and only close friends and family were allowed to read my posts.  Now, I am here to tell you that my blog is now open to public viewing.  So, feel free to read and comment, but if you post inappropriate comments, I will delete them.

What Are YOU Thinking About?

I've had a lot of time to just ponder my future, where will life take me, what can i plan for, is the future any brighter than the present... etc.  One of the topics I most frequently pause on is, of course, love.  I've had a LOT of time to ponder this and reflect on my lack of "true love," and honestly, it sucks!  It seems like every other song on the radio is about some love story, or somebody's love-life gone wrong, etc.

I love the idea of being in love, spending eternity with one special someone, having a family, having someone that is always there to listen and love me.  I am not the kind of girl that gets asked out often, in fact I've probably been on... 5 or less *real* dates.  Yeah, I'm almost 20 years-old and I've never been kissed, only had one boyfriend, and hardly have any dating experience.  I'm kind, I try to get guys attention--the *right* way--by dressing modestly, being friendly, smile, talk, laugh,...  Yet, no bites.  Seriously!?

The one excuse I've heard for why one guy didn't like me, was because I'm intimidating.  WHAT?  I thought guys *liked* confidence.  But then again, I am a brainiac, I like to lead in groups, I'm independent, I have goals and direction in my life.  Are those things so bad?  No?  Then why does everyone act like they are?!  Just because you're not on the same path as I am, it doesn't mean I'm not interested.  I'm not asking for a marriage proposal, I just want a first date, heck I'll even settle for some guy to just *notice* me.

I feel like I'm doing everything right; I go to church, I read my scriptures, I go to church activities, I attend the temple regularly,...  What am I doing wrong?  Where is my Prince Charming?  ...Heck, I'll even take a Beast.  I just want to get out of the slump I've been in my whole life, the rut called "friends."  It's the worst ditch to ever be stuck in because there really is no way to get out of it.  I'm spinning my tires, going no where, and I have no clue what to do next.  How am I going to dig my way out, sling some mud, and go out on a date?  Do I have to take the first step, like I've done my whole life?  Sure, I like to be a leader, but I also like the traditional model of dating, especially since I feel like guys would be even more intimidated if *I asked *them out. :-/

1 1/2 years...

So, I doubt anyone even checks this blog anymore, but for those who do:

I sincerely apologize for my lack of posting, both here and on facebook. I have realized that I don't want my life to be so public all the time and also, the newness of the blog wore off. My other excuse is that I have been journaling instead, which has given me my own private way to record and reflect on memories and events.

The list of updates (details not included) are:

• I got accepted into the BYU College of Nursing and am now in my second semester. I have 2 years left.
• One of my best friends, Amber Rivers, got accepted to BYU
• We are rooming together and having a blast (it's kind of scary how much we do together and how crazy we are together)
• I started dating this guy in my ward right after Halloween, we broke up in December because he got his mission call, but we're still friends. (yes, it's a little bit awkward. And it's kind of a long-ish story that I wouldn't mind sharing, just send me an email or call me up or something)
• I wake up at 4:00am every Wednesday to go to the clinical setting for one of my nursing classes.
• I'm getting better at waking up to an alarm
• I've never read so many textbooks with so much diligence as this semester (all the reading is required and you are graded on whether you do it or not.)
• I drove home on a 3-day weekend, through the snow to surprise my Mom and family (my Dad knew I was coming)
• I've started writing a bucket list, just because I watched the movie "The Bucket List" and Amber and I thought it would be fun
• I really want a puppy, preferably a therapy dog because we learned about therapy animals in one of my classes
• I miss being involved in musical numbers because one roommate is a vocalist and another roommate is a pianist, so I'm always overlooked for my musical talents (Never thought I'd be saying that)
• I've learned so much about people and made so many friends through my classes and my clinical setting
• I'm learning quickly what type of people I like (mostly people I don't like) to live with and/or associate with regularly and on a long-term basis.
• I LOVE BYU! I've been having so much fun and despite the increased work load, I have learned how to better manage my time and all the stresses of being a nursing student in such a competitive program.

Basically, that's the rundown on the last year and a half. I know I left out a lot of details, but I'm just not motivated to type them out right now, though I wouldn't mind giving more specifics.

College and the Like

So, I'm sure you guys are really bored with seeing the same post everyday for practically forever. Well, I guess I can tell you some of what is happening in my life. Please excuse the random jumpiness of this post, I am just trying to lay it all out there so you know what is going on. If you need any explanation about something, just post a comment and I will do my best to explain. So here goes:

I am now officially a full-time student at Brigham Young University, taking 15.5 credit hours. This semester I am taking 2 pre-reqs for the nursing program and some GEs. Some of my favorite classes are Nursing 180, intro to nursing, SFL 210, Human development, and Music 101, introduction to music (mostly music history). My easiest class is probably Chem 101, because I learned more in my high school chem class, and I didn't even need to take it (but I took it because it was part of freshman academy). I'm also taking Book of Mormon, first half, and American Heritage, both of which are difficult, but not killers.

Currently, I am living in the Helaman Halls dorms, third floor! I have made so many friends in my ward and in my classes. It's hard to focus on studies because there is always something going on, but I am staying on top of everything and doing great. There are so many people that are getting sick in my ward, which is a little scary. I'm doing my best to get plenty of sleep and get lots of vitamin C. So far, it has paid off and I am not sick.

I do have to say it is really strange to go to church in a classroom. We do have a pulpit, because all of the classrooms have podiums, but there is no stand or organ and the pulpit is off to the side. In my ward, I have the calling of a home evening group leader, which has previously been called the FHE Mom position. My group is really good, we are all working together and trying to figure out how everything should run. I'm so thankful for all of the FHEs I had in my family growing up because it has helped me to figure out how to best fulfill my calling and get people involved. Each week we have song, prayer, thought, announcements, lesson, activity, and closing prayer. I know it sounds like a lot to do in one hour, but we have been making it work and most of the group shows up every week.

I love all of the activities that they have here. There is always something going on, so you never really have to feel left out if you miss something. I have been able to attend every home football game, but I have yet to attend any other sport. :-( (When the games happen during the week, it is hard to go to a volleyball or soccer game, especially if you need to study for or take a test) I was also able to attend Homecoming Spectacular, which is this play/musical production showcasing the various musical and dance groups on campus. This year's homecoming theme was about reaching for the summit and the life of Eugene Roberts. I thought it was really cool that he was instrumental in getting the church to adopt the Scouting program, and he contributed so many other new ideas and programs to BYU. The performances were great, it even included BYU's a capella group, Vocal Point.

Well, I can't exactly think of much else to say, but if you can think of anything I may have missed that you want to hear about, just post a comment and I will try to respond. :-)