The Nativity

I know this is a little late for Christmas, but I've been kind of stuck on the Nativity story lately.  I've been looking at the different characters, or roles, in the nativity story and what we can learn from each of them.  Each part of the nativity story is there for a reason, the tale of the shepherds, the wisemen, the innkeeper... there's a reason why they are mentioned in the scripture stories.

My personal list of characters (in order of appearance):
Innkeeper (Luke 2:7)
Shepherds (Luke 2:8-20)
Simeon (Luke 2:25-35)
Anna (Luke 2:36-38)
Wisemen (Matthew 2:1-11)

Each of these characters plays an important role in the story of Christ's birth and stand as examples or measuring sticks to evaluate the part Christ plays in our lives.

First, Mary and Joseph encounter the Innkeepers that had no room to accommodate the small family.  Now, without being there, my appraisal of the situation is that the Innkeepers had no idea just who they was turning away that day in Bethlehem.  Whatever the circumstances, they were too busy, or too preoccupied, or too impatient to make room for Mary, Joseph, and the expectant Savior of the World.

Second, we meet the shepherds that heard the angels singing praises to the infant Christ child, saw the star and left their flocks to worship Him.  They left behind their livelihood, their way of life, and immediately answered the call to see and worship the Good Shepherd.

Third, we find Simeon and Anna at the Temple.  Simeon is a devout man of God that received a revelation telling him that on that day, he would see the salvation of men as promised to him.  Anna, a righteous widow, has spent the past 80-ish years worshiping and serving in the temple daily, which is no small feat by any standards.  Each of them prophesied of Christ's divinity in the temple while He was still just an infant in arms.

Lastly, we see the Wisemen come to the child, Jesus.  The Wisemen studied and knew the signs of the birth of their Lord, but they also watched for them.  They not only were prepared to see them, but they were ready and willing to heed those signs.  Travelling for many months, they brought the child gifts fit for a King, while neglecting to bring any gifts to the reigning King Herod.

With this cursory summary, I ask myself, what part would I have played in the Nativity?  Would I be an Innkeeper, unable to find room in my house and in my heart for the Christ child?  Am I a shepherd, willing to leave behind all of my worldly concerns to worship the Lord?  Am I Simeon or Anna, watching and preparing for the day when the Savior will come to His temple?  Am I a Wiseman, watching for the signs, then working and seeking out the Lord through those revelations, bringing Him the most precious sacrifice I have to offer?  What do I need to do to fill the role I want?

What role do you play?

Mission, Marriage, and Me

This week was finals week and during all the breaks between studying (read: periods of procrastination) I spent a lot of time thinking and reflecting.   

What really got me started was a meeting that I had on Monday with my ICU instructor, Sondra, who also was my instructor for Ecuador.  During our little end-of-semester wrap-up, she shared with me a little about what made it possible for me to go to Ecuador.  Part of the process of our study abroad application was to have an interview with the instructor to see what we had to bring to the table with our skills, personalities, knowledge, and experience.  When I interviewed with Sondra, I was nervous beyond belief.  I had no idea what to say and all of my high school Spanish evaporated off the tip of my tongue! I felt especially drawn to Ecuador and just knew I couldn’t afford to screw up.  Little did I know, but Sondra somehow could tell that I needed Ecuador.

Our instructors for Ecuador, Susie (left) and Sondra (right)

As I was talking to her on Monday she said, "Katrina, I don't think I ever told you this, but when I was conducting interviews for Ecuador, I just knew you needed to go with me.  I don't know why, and I knew you didn't speak Spanish, but I just knew I needed to take you to Ecuador with me.  This doesn't happen very often and most of the time it feels like 'it's okay, this person can go anywhere and get a great experience ' but with you, I knew you needed to go to Ecuador"  This sent my jaw to the floor and my mind reeling as I searched frantically to figure out why.  Why?  What did I need from that experience that I couldn't get somewhere else?

Over the next few days, I continued to mull this over in my head, frantically searching for the reason behind it all, when finally it just clicked.  This may sound really weird, but Sondra's statement is a second witness to me that I'm not going to serve a mission anytime soon.  When they announced the reduced age for missionary service, I felt like I'm not going to serve a mission, which I'd been struggling with.  Then, after talking with Sondra and reflecting about my experiences in Ecuador, I felt a confirmation that I won't be serving a mission (at least not anytime soon).  :-(

Some of the most precious children I've ever seen

In Ecuador, I proved myself.  I know what it’s like to be away from home with no solid way to contact my family.  I know what it’s like to talk to complete strangers and to truly love them.  I learned a lot about what kind of person I was and what I need to do with my life.  I need to love and serve people.  I also needed to learn that it’s okay to be on my own, I can handle myself and do anything I put my mind to. 

Admiring the Salt Lake Temple

This second part of the realization clicked on Wednesday when I was at Temple Square with my roommates and I had a few minutes to wander off and do my own thing.  I don’t constantly need someone by my side as I do fun things.  I can experience life all on my own!  This may sounds really dumb, but this was kind of a shock to me because I always felt that if I didn’t get married I’d really be a failure, which is NOT TRUE!  I can do anything.  I am confident, competent, and capable.  I don’t need someone to hold my hand while I do hard things because I can do them on my own.  …With that said, I haven’t lost all hope/desire to get married.  I don’t want to have to live my life on my own, but at least now I know I can, and that’s okay.

My forever favorite snuggle-buddy,

            Recently, I realized that I am more than capable of taking care of myself.  I won’t always need you to provide for me and take care of me, but please do.  I am confident, in charge, and independent, but I want you to make me feel like a little girl.  I want your confidence and strength so I don’t always have to be tough.  I want you to wrap me in your arms and just hold me.  Hold me like you’ll never let go.  Until you are here to stay, please forgive my tough-girl, independent, I-can-do-this-all-by-myself attitude because that’s just how I’ve learned to survive on my own.  Hopefully, you can look past my emotional security fences and see the real me underneath it all.

            Please don’t be intimidated by my confidence and my independent spirit.  I’m not trying to make it a competition between us, we’re supposed to be a team.  I want you to be a part of my life and I want to be able to work through life with you, even though I may, at times, try to go at it alone.  Don’t be afraid to give me a reality check if I forget that we are a dynamic duo and partners in crime, I’ve grown too used to doing it on my own.  And don’t be afraid to lean on me, I am here for you, I want you to want my help.  We are a team and I can’t wait to build my life with you.  It certainly won’t be easy, but nothing ever worth it is easy.  Together, we can make it all work.

Guarding my heart for you,

Katrina

When Someone Needs You...

...You answer their cry.  People matter, don't ever forget that.  It doesn't matter how well you know someone, if they need a friend, you better be that friend, because you don't want to look back at a missed opportunity with regret.

Tonight, one of my more distant friends was having a hard night.  Honestly, I probably wouldn't have thought much of it, but something inside me said that I needed to do something.  Seeing that I'm not best friends with this person, it was hard for me to make that leap and reach out my hand, but I knew I had to.  If I didn't, I knew I would regret it.  Yes, it was odd, and maybe even a little awkward, and probably crazy when you look at from the outside, but it was worth it.  I know it was the Spirit that spoke to me and prompted me to send that message, and I'm glad I did.  I don't know what was troubling my friend, I had no idea what to say when I picked them up, but I don't think it mattered.  I think the message of love, hope, and care was there, and I think that's all that was important.

I'm glad I listened when the call came.  I'm grateful I was able to hear the cry behind the simple, masked message of pain.  I'm grateful to be that saving grace for someone else, when I have so often been the one to call upon those tender mercies.

Please, take the time to slow down.  

Listen when someone is talking to you, and not just to the words, but to the message behind it all.  

Listen to their pain and do whatever is in your power to relieve it.  

Show love to those that you may easily overlook, simply because you "hardly know them."  

Take the time to serve, even it that means just 15 minutes to let someone know that you are there and you care.

Don't be afraid to take a leap into the awkward and unknown because you will always have the question of "what if I had?"

Most importantly, be a friend.  A true friend.  Someone that people know they can rely on.  You won't regret being "that friend" and they will never forget that you loved them.

New Year's Resolution Evaluation

Well, seeing as the year is already halfway gone, I figured it was a good time to reevaluate my goals for this year and here is the breakdown:

1.      Don't sweat the small stuff

a.       I think that this has been a really helpful resolution.  During Winter semester (Jan-April), I had a rough patch and felt like I was being dragged through the mud through no fault of my own.  Thankfully, with the help of friends and mentors, I was able to see that the issues were really small things that I was then able to let go and stop worrying about.

2.      Enjoy the journey, even if it sucks

a.       This one is a little harder, though I would say it’s still a work in progress, and always will be.  This summer, I got stuck in an apartment with people that I never would choose to live with, a class that wasn’t what I was expecting, and a calling that I didn’t really want.  Despite the collection of things working against me, I still think this has been a great term.  I’ve been able to spend a lot of time catching up with old friends, making new friends, learning how to teach myself a difficult topic.  I can truly say that this has been a fun, though accidental, adventure.

3.      Care less

a.       Kind of the same deal as the ones above, I’m learning to let loose and not stress so much when there’s nothing I can do to fix it.

4.      Have fun, make happy memories

a.       I have had one of the most memorable years!  I went to Ecuador, welcomed 5 babies into the world, made new friends, got to share my testimony with complete strangers, etc.  There are for sure things that I still want to do or wish I could have done, but I think I’m really living up to this one.

5.      Meet new people (Be more outgoing)

a.       Done!  I’ve gotten to know new people in my ward and gotten to know some people even better than before.  I’m meeting people in my classes, catching up with old friends, and talking to complete strangers on flights, in the store, at the doctor’s office, just about everywhere.  I LOVE all that I’ve learned from being outgoing. 

                                                              i.      Oh, and fun fact, I’ve even gone so far as to give my number to a server at a restaurant.  What!?  I don’t do this sort of thing,… BUT I DID! I’m living life on the edge!  Haha

6.      Get to know more people in my ward

a.       Like I said for #5, my world has kind of changed, and I have made a ton more friends.

7.      Go on more dates

a.       Surprisingly, even this goal has been accomplished, but then again it’s not hard to beat nothing.  Now, I’m sure you would love to hear all the “juicy” details, but I’m sorry, I’m not going to express such personal information that involves other people in a public forum without their approval.  But if you really must know, just come talk to me.  J

8.      Love completely (Christ-like love to all people and maybe romantically, too)

a.       This one is a little hard I think, but I think I’ve been doing pretty well with it.  Without conscious effort, I feel like I’ve been able to accept people from all situations and types of life and feel genuine love for them.  Especially after going to Ecuador, I just want to be able to serve and love those that are in need.  I honestly miss the connection that comes from loving and serving with people.

9.      Keep my apartment clean

a.       …kind of hard to do when you don’t spend much time there, and when the mess is never yours…

10.  Study the Book of Mormon every day

a.       Yeah, this one has been a failure, though I have had some spurts of success…

11.  Speak my mind (Be more open and decisive)

a.       I think I may be a little too decisive and open now… but hey, it’s better than being a hermit that never gets heard!  I’m working on not swinging too far into this by being so overbearing/stubborn when I speak my mind.

12.  Do hard things with confidence

a.       Well… I’ve done hard things, but not always with confidence.  Does that count?

Anyway, moral of the story, I think my goals were pretty reasonable and I’m really liking the improvements I see in myself and in my relationships with others.  These goals are helping me to define who I am and who I want to become, which I think is so important right now, especially as I face graduation and starting my life’s career.  I’ll be keeping this around for a while longer, and feel free to adopt any of them for yourself.  They don’t have to be formal goals, but even just an idea of something to work towards.

How are your resolutions turning out?

Week 2: Spiritual Experiences

This has been a really spiritual week for me.  Sunday was our first and was Fast and Testimony meeting (last week we went to the regional conference broadcast from Salt Lake).  In Sacrament meeting, there was one testimony that really touched my heart, even though it was very simple and straight forward.  An older gentleman got up to the pulpit and bore his testimony in very plain, direct Spanish, without any "fluff" like stories or scriptures.  He simply said that he knows the Church is true, Joseph Smith is a Prophet of God, we have a living Prophet today, and the Scriptures are true.  I don't know why this stood out so much to me, maybe it was just because I could actually understand it, but I felt the Spirit so strong after his simple testimony.

On Wednesday, I had another very touching experience when I was in the Baptistry in the Guayaquil Temple.  Much to my surprise, there was an American missionary couple that was working in the baptistry that night, which I really needed.  This week was a little rough because I was missing home and feeling left out as my friends went off on other adventures.  Anyway, after meeting this sweet couple, the Christensens, I couldn't help but compare the husband to my Dad, his brothers, and my Grandfather.  As my thoughts turned to my Grandfather, who died when I was quite young, I felt strong, warm arms encircle me in a blanket of peace and comfort that I know was not only my Grandpa Hale, but also my Grandpa Thueson and my Grandma Hale who are also deceased.  This is one of only a handful of times that I have ever had such a tangible encounter with the Spirit and such peace and comfort.  The Lord knows what I needed that day and he sent 2 angels, the Christensens, to help me feel that love and Spirit.

Then, on Thursday and Friday, I had a bit of a missionary experience. In the community, we've been working with this organization that relies on volunteers to come and serve for 1 year to help with the programs they provide for the community.  There has been one volunteer that we have been working with for the past 2 weeks that has really become our friend.  Somehow, on Thursday, the subject of religion came up and he was asking a lot of questions.  There were about 4 of us, initially, that were answering his questions and trying to explain the gospel... but that was kind of getting difficult because we would often try to answer the question at the same time, or would try to add to another's statement, which just made it somewhat disjointed.  A little bit later that day, he and I began talking about the Gospel and Church a little bit more and he had a lot of questions.  Fortunately, I was able to answer all of them and, I hope, give him a nice foundation of knowledge.  He's a practicing Catholic and really likes to learn about religion, so I really don't know what will come from this, but he did accept a Book of Mormon.  :-D  However, the Book of Mormon was a little pocket copy that one of the girls in our group had been reading, so she put her testimony in it and "poached my investigator"  Haha.  One thing that's been really awesome about talking with this guy though, is that he's reciprocated by teaching me about Catholic beliefs and practices, at my request.  It's been a really great experience and I loved getting to talk about the Gospel with someone that was really curious to know as much as possible about our Church.

Week 2: Community

The second week here in Guayaquil has been so busy!  We have been going non-stop since Monday, working in the community, organizing/doing health fairs, entering data, etc.  This week could really use like... 3 extra days in it.  (Which is actually pretty odd because time has gone by really fast, but each day is soooo long because we do so much.  Example:  On Monday, by noon, you could have told me it was Thursday and I would have believed you.  The hours ticked by fast, but the days lasted forever.)

All week we've been going out to schools in the rural areas of Guayaquil, specifically Mt. Sinai, with Hogar de Cristo, an organization here that provides services and resources to the needy communities.  At the schools, we are measuring height, weight, vision, and hemoglobin to assess the nutrition status of the students.  In total, we measured 1041 students over the past 2 weeks and we confirmed our previous results with about 33% of students having anemia, or low hemoglobin levels.  This is really concerning because the anemia impairs their ability to grow, develop, and learn.  As part of a study we are conducting, we are testing 3 different interventions to try to improve the rate of anemia (decrease the occurrence) and improve the overall nutrition of the children.

To facilitate this, we've been visiting the children's homes and teaching the families about nutrition and what we need to do to stay healthy.  We've also met with the school directors, Hogar de Cristo, and several people, including the region's nutrition specialist for Ecuador.  Over the next 6 months, we are hoping that Hogar de Cristo will help us implement the interventions so we can come back in November to remeasure the kids and see if there has been any improvement.

Everyday, I've been working with taking the children's hemoglobin, which requires a fingerprick and a drop of blood.  Some of the kids handle it really well, and then some kids will wrestle their hand away.  With some of the difficult kids we eventually just give up, but we do our best to test every kid.  My favorite students to test are the ones that come over nervously, cooperate, and then walk away with a smile on their face, telling everyone "no me duele, no hay dolor."  Though, I also enjoy getting to comfort those students that are just so scared of the fingerprick, all they need is a little love and comfort and they usually do pretty well.  There was actually one kid that was so ready that she came right over with a big smile on her face and gave me a huge hug.  After I pricked her finger, put a bandaid on, and gave her a candy, she hesitated before leaving.  Then she came in for another bear hug with another big smile.  That was the sweetest hug ever and I didn't want it to end, and I don't think she did either because she just held onto my neck for a long time.  That was the moment when time froze and everything screamed at me that moments like these are why I want to not only be a nurse, but also a mom.

At the end of it all, we had a big meeting with Hogar de Cristo, and they gave us each a very special, handmade rosary.  The handmade rosary is a very special gift that they reserve for only very special thank you gifts.  The only hang-up was when the President of the organization realized that we don't use the rosary in our religion because he was worried he would offend us or that we wouldn't want it.  Thankfully, everyone felt the same way--this is a very special and sacred gift that they are giving us.  Never in my life did I think I would be so excited to own a Catholic Rosary, but now it is something that I will cherish forever, as a memory for my time here in Ecuador.

Week 1: Hospitals

So, this past 2 weeks have been CRAZY!  I haven't had hardly any time to blog/email because we've been super busy, which makes us so exhausted that all we do is sleep in our spare time.  Anyway, a lot has happened and I will try to fill you in on the best stuff.

The first week, I spent 4 days in 3 different hospitals:  Luis Vernaza (med-surg hospital), Sotomayor (maternity/women's health hospital), and Roberto Gilbert ____?___ (pediatric hospital).  The experience was really good, especially to see the differences and similarities between Ecuador and America.  The nurses here pretty much only pass medications, the nurse assistants take care of all the hygiene/comfort needs, and the doctors do assessments and write prescriptions.  The prescriptions that are written can be taken to any pharmacy--there is practically one on every corner--or they family can buy the medications from the hospital.  The nurses here also don't seem to have as much training/knowledge as we are given in the states, nor do they have the ability to exercise much power/authority.  I think the saddest thing though, is that there are upwards of 20 patients per each nurse, which means the nurses don't have any time to show compassion and provide for more than just the basic needs.
There is one experience that I really want to share, it was actually quite frustrating/traumatizing for me.  I was working in the emergency room and there was a patient that they were going to place a feeding tube in.  This patient was intubated due to a stroke, but awake and able to move--except for the restraints that tied his hands to the bed.  The doctors/nurses tried about 15 times to insert this NG (Naso-gastric) tube, unsuccessfully.  About half of the times it went into the lungs and the other half of the time it would just coil in the back of the throat.  Now, an NG tube is actually rather simple to insert,... if done the right way.  These doctors/nurses were doing it WRONG!  The patient needs to be sitting up with their chin to their chest, but this patient was laying down, arching his head back because it hurt so much to have a drinking straw-like tube shoved into your lungs.  Unfortunately, this was the second time that week that this had happened.  The day or two before, one of the students had to yell at the doctors to get them to listen to be able to successfully insert the tube.  During this huge ordeal, I just kept trying to get someone to translate my (rather forceful) directions, but the other student was timid and didn't want to be too overbearing.  Instead she tried making suggestions that went completely unheeded.  I was so angry that the doctors were putting this patient through all this, while this old, grandfather figure was tied to a bed, practically writhing in pain.  The hardest part?  All I could do was hold the patient's hand, try not to cry much, and resist the overwhelming urge to smack the doctors and walk out.  I just couldn't stand it, especially when one or more of the doctors started to get a very condescending, stubborn attitude towards the patient and the task of placing the tube.  Thankfully, they finally gave up and were actually able to remove the breathing tube, which made it so he can eat and drink on his own, without an NG tube.  After he was extubated, I just stood their by his bed, holding his hand, whispering words of encouragement, trying understand his mumbling, and wishing that I could remove his restraints.  After about 5 minutes of holding his cold hand and watching him squirm under the thin blanket to try to warm up, I didn't care what the doctors thought.  I untied his wrists and put his hands under the covers.  He wouldn't let go of my hand as I continued to stand at his side, trying to warm him up.  Unfortunately, I had to leave just 10 minutes later and had to re-tie his restraints.  Out of compassion and sympathy, I left the restraints loose enough that he could bring his arms to his sides and under the blanket, but tight enough that he couldn't pull out his IV (which was why they restrained him, even though he didn't look like he even had the strength to clasp his hands together).

Anyway, other than that one traumatic incident in the ER, the hospitals have really been great.  The treatments they provide are very similar to those in the States, but the care is just done a little differently.  It's kind of like they are in the pioneer era, policies-wise, with the delegation of power, the large, multi-patient rooms, etc.  Oh, and at the maternity hospital, I got to see my first (and second) cesarean section delivery.  It was really kind of neat to watch.

On Friday of the first week, I had the opportunity to go out into the community and help to build a house.  It was a really cool experience!  The family was so kind, and really grateful for our help.  Thankfully, there was a professional builder there to make sure everything was done right, because there is a lot that can go wrong when it comes to building a raised house, on a hill.  :-)  The house went up really fast, it took us just 5 hours--from post-hole digging to nailing on the roof.  It was so awesome to be part of such an important/special time in the people's lives.  Anyway, that's pretty much all that happened this first week.

Customs Hang-ups

So my first experiences with Ecuador have been interesting.  The flights were good, no major turbulence and I survived without the usual major headache from flying (I think the motion sickness meds helped with that).  However, everything got interesting when we finally made it to Guayaquil.

For starters, here is some background:  There are approximately 20 of us travelling together as nurses, nursing students, and mentors/instructors, and each of us had 2 checked bags.  In each of those bags was a plethora of medical supplies, CPR training dummies, toothpaste, and vitamins for the work that we will be doing down here.  All of these aspects combined really created the perfect storm of events when we got to Customs.

If you haven't travelled internationally, Customs basically regulate what enters the country as a protection to the people and government.  To help them with this job, they use x-ray machines to check all of the luggage that is brought into the country and then will search bags that appear rather suspicious.  Now, normally you would think that a few bottles of vitamins and some medical supplies is no big deal, right?  Right.  However, we weren't bringing just a few bottles of vitamins, we are talking 6 months worth of vitamins, for 500 children, 5 days/week.  That's a freaking boatload of vitamins--about 284 bottles, spread among 10-15 suitcases.  Kind of suspicious because with that quantity, who knows if we are planning to sell them or if they are even what they say they are.  The short version of the story:  they saw the vitamins and sent us over to the customs office for further inspection.

The long, and much more exciting version:
The first bag containing vitamins was carried by one of our "fluent Spanish speaking" male students.  The vitamin bottles were crammed into every spare inch of a large bag of CPR dummies.  When the Customs officer opened the bag for an initial inspection, all they saw was a bunch of plastic heads and several bottles of vitamins.  The look on their face was priceless as they tried to understand the bag of plastic heads that is filled with pill bottles.  The comment the student made later was "come on, Shakespeare, let's ditch the heads and talk about the pills."  Immediately after this guy in the line, were 3 more of us, including myself, with several more bottles of vitamins and other medical supplies.  The Customs agents were concerned, to say the least, and they TOOK OUR PASSPORTS!  I was beginning to freak.  out.  Here I am in a foreign country, for the first time ever, unable to speak the language, some woman has just taken my passport from me, and now I'm being escorted over to the Customs office for further inspection.  Oh crap.

Slowly, as the lines move on, 80-90% of the people in our group are sent over to join us in the wait for the Customs officials to bring our passports and search us.  Fortunately, our instructor noticed the congregation of students and left the line to come and help us sort out the problem.  She presented the officials with papers, in Spanish, explaining the reason for the supplies, what they are, and what we plan to do with them.  Finally, a couple of guys that work at the US Embassy came over and helped us to explain everything--for the THIRD time--and gets the woman to give us back our passports and proceed through Customs.

Thankfully, they didn't confiscate the vitamins or any of our other supplies, they didn't try to make us pay taxes on them, and none of us are stuck rotting in some Ecuadorian prison.  Haha.

Oh, but do you want to know what awaited me on the other side of Customs?  8 armed men, 2 buses, and a box truck waiting to take/escort us and our belongings to our hotel.  In the middle of the night.  What a great welcoming committee!  ;-)

My sweet Husband-to-be,

I'm looking for you.  I always wonder, are you the cashier at the grocery store?  That guy in my ward?  A fellow classmate?  One of the guys I already know?  A friend of a friend?  The stranger that just smiled at me?  Or do we still have yet to meet?  I looking for you and praying that I don't miss our moment because I'm too focused on other things.

I can't wait to meet you.  I can't help but ask myself what kind of guy you're going to be.  I'm sure that you will be the perfect guy for me, no matter what your personality type, aspirations in life, or financial situation.  We can make anything work, as long as we are willing to struggle through it all, together.  I just hope that we can be best of friends.  Romance will come and go, children will change everything, and our lives will never be as they are now.

Someday, I will find you.  I don't know if it will be tomorrow (probably not) or 10 years from now (let's hope not), but we will be together eventually.  Please, just don't take to long to find me, too.  I'll even give you a hint, you can most likely find my in the SWKT or in my apartment.  If I'm neither of those places, I'm sure my roommate/best friend, Amber, would be able to help you out.

All my love,
Katrina

The Curse of Technology

Don't get me wrong, I love the internet.  I love that we can easily stay in touch with and keep tabs on so many wonderful people in our lives.  However, technology is both a blessing and a curse.

A week and a half ago, I accidentally dropped my laptop.  I hadn't backed up any of my files, of course, and now I am without all of my school stuff, and my computer.  You have no idea how much it sucks to try to go to college without a computer (especially as finals draw nearer).  Sure, I can go to the library, I can use the computers on campus, but when you consider how much time I spend on a computer in a week and how much I have to print, email, and type every week, the library just isn't a very feasible option.  Fortunately, I can stay up to date on emails via my phone, which is great for my students.  However, I can't really look up their grades, which were thankfully saved to my flashdrive, without a computer.  It sucks.  I never knew just how connected I was to technology via my little 6 lb (?) laptop computer.

Thankfully I am able to rent a laptop from BYU, until I can get my computer fixed but it still sucks.  I just want my computer back.  It's like starting everything all over because I have nothing.  I had no templates to help me write the 2 papers that I just turned in.  No example papers that I had saved in my files.  I have nothing from the past 3 years of college!  Plus, it just sucks to be working on a computer that is so different than your own and that has nothing of your own on it.  I have had to change several of the defaults just to make the rental a little more bearable, but the changes only stick if I don't ever shut down the computer.

This sucks, and I feel so dumb for (A)being in this situation and (B)being so effected by the loss of a freakin computer!  I mean, come on, it's not like I just lost my legs, or broke my arm, or had my apartment burn down.  It's just a freakin computer!  Despite all the logic telling me that it doesn't really matter, I still feel like I just lost a huge chunk of my life.  My computer was my connection to my family, friends, school, work, everything.  It sounds really dramatic, but that's kind of how it feels.  I never thought a simple computer could mean so much...

...Sorry for the drama.  The moral of the story is:  be grateful for your computers, but just remember, it could all be gone in a matter of moments.

My Passion

If you know me at least the slightest bit, you will know that nursing is my passion.  I love it!  I live it, I breathe it.  If you want to get my attention start talking about medical stuff and you will likely have a captive audience.  (Though, fair warning, be prepared to hear more than you could ever want to know about nursing.)  Nursing is my life because I love it and have let it seep into every inch of my life.

Today I was talking with my clinical instructor about how much I love nursing, but not just any nursing.  I specifically love women's health--which can be quite an awkward topic to talk about, fun fact.  Anyway, right now I am very torn as to what field to "specialize" in, or do my capstone/internship in.  I absolutely L-O-V-E Labor and Delivery, but I feel like you don't see as much variety in Labor and Delivery.  On the flipside, I enjoy emergency/critical care nursing, and I would learn a lot more diverse skills, though I don't think it's what I want to do for the rest of my life.

Blech!  I hate making decisions like this.  Fortunately, I have 6-8 months before I have to actually make these decisions.  Let's just hope I can actually make up my mind during that time.  Haha :-)

People Matter

This week, I cried.  I cried a lot.  I called home on the verge of tears at least 3 times, every time ending the call with a stuffy nose and red eyes.  I wasn't getting enough sleep, I had too much to do, I wasn't feeling motivated, I kept messing up, and I felt like a failure.

Well, things aren't quite as bad now.  I mean sure, I'm still not sleeping enough, I'm not very motivated to work hard, I can't fix any of the stupid mistakes I made, and I still feel inadequate.

The only difference from the beginning of my week and the end of my week has been attitude.  At the beginning of the week, I was so focused on me and how hard everything was.  I couldn't seem to see beyond myself and even consider someone else.  Everything changed on Wednesday, not because it got easier, but because I had other things that mattered besides me.  A friend had a birthday, my apartment complex had a big activity, I played volleyball with a bunch of friends... I could name several more things that have changed my week.

The one thing they all have in common?  People.  The commonality that helped me find myself again was spending time with people.  That sounds really strange, but when I'm having fun with my friends or getting to know new people in exciting environments, I am so much less important than I had thought.  My problems don't matter because people matter more, and to show people they matter is to spend time with them, care about them, serve them.  In return, you find that the problems you thought you had are nothing in comparison to the love you feel when you're surrounded by amazing people.

My dearest Husband-to-be,

            I’m waiting for you.  I dream about you all the time.  I can’t wait to spend the rest of eternity with you.  I hope you are just as anxious and excited for that day.

            I want you to know that I am absolutely in love with your smile and your laugh.  I love when you tell me you love me, especially when you say it first.  I love to be wrapped in the security of your arms.  I can’t wait till the day when I will be comfortable with your hand on my not-so-thin waist because you won’t care whether I am a size 2 or a size 20. 

            Sometimes, I will get stressed and be ridiculous, please forgive me, it’s one of my flaws.  When this happens, all I need is for you to wrap me in your arms and remind me that it’s going to be okay.  Sometimes I will forget what you say to me, and I’m sorry, I really do try.  I promise to always love you and to always make you feel my love.  I can’t promise that I will be the most romantic person ever, but I promise to always cherish the moments we have together.

Anxiously waiting,

Katrina

4 Days of Pseudo-Parenthood

These past four days, I've been blessed to spend a lot of time with this little girl:

I love those wide and happy eyes  :-)

This is one of my adorable nieces.

The reason why I've been seeing so much of her is because my brother and sister-in-law just had their second child on Thursday and they've been in the hospital recovering.

During that time, I've been enjoying pseudo-parenthood.  I got her dressed in the morning, made sure she ate breakfast/lunch/dinner, coordinated with others for childcare, and got her ready for bed and laid down to sleep each day.  On Sunday, I even had her bathed and dressed for church and made sure she behaved in her nursery class.  (I also had to figure out when to go visit at the hospital so she could see her new baby sister.)

Aren't they so precious?

Through all this it has been very clear that being a parent really is a full-time job, and that's after only doing it for 4 days!

Even though it was possibly some of the most demanding days, I miss it and wouldn't change anything.  Seeing her eyes light up when she smiles, hearing her laugh her head off at the silliest things, and even calming her precious tears (and tantrums) from missing her mommy make it all worth it.

I don't exactly know why, but whenever I get to spend a significant amount of time with my nieces/nephews, I always walk away a little sad to say goodbye.  I think part of it might be because I've always wanted to be a parent and part of it could be that it's mostly just fun and games for me (since it isn't full-time and I'm allowed to spoil my nieces/nephews).

Anyway, this adventure, as one of many, in pseudo-parenthood, has been really fun and rewarding.  I can't wait until I have kids of my own that I can watch grow and learn.  ...I guess I should probably find a husband first...  Well, I guess while I'm waiting for my prince, I will just have to suffice with practicing on other peoples' children.  :-)

Dreaming of babies,

Katrina

PS, I'm totally okay with blind dates (hint hint)  :-)

A Formal Expression of Intention

(Aka, a resolution)

I don't usually make any particular New Year's Resolutions, but this year is different.  Instead of making the common resolutions--eat healthy, lose weight, go to the gym--I'm trying something a little more meaningful.  (That seems to be a major theme in my life lately, though that will have to wait for another post.)

12 Resolutions for 2012

Some of you may remember that this last year, particularly this last semester, was quite difficult for me.  There were some dark days when I was just way to stressed to think straight, and I never want to be in that position again.  That experience inspired me to make these resolutions:

1.  Don't sweat the small stuff

2.  Enjoy the journey, even if it sucks

3.  Care less

4.  Have fun, make happy memories

I realized that I was so stressed last semester because I kept focusing and worrying about the small, meaningless things and then trying to be perfect in every aspect.  Thankfully, by the end I was beginning to see the big picture and not worry as much about the little things.

As a secondary effect of the heavy course load and nearly-constant state of panic (haha), I had essentially no social life.  :-(  I mean, I spent a fair amount of time with my brother and sister-in-law, my roommate/best friend, and a couple other friends from the nursing program, but it felt like a pretty pathetic life.  I wasn't getting to know new people, I would go stir-crazy in my apartment, and I felt like I hardly ever did anything fun.  (Even though that is definitely not true.)  So, I decided I needed these resolutions:

5.  Meet new people (Be more outgoing)

6.  Get to know more people in my ward

7.  Go on more dates

8.  Love completely (Christ-like love to all people and maybe romantically, too)

Then I also made some resolutions that are just for the heck of it:

9.  Keep my apartment clean

10.  Study the Book of Mormon every day

11.  Speak my mind (Be more open and decisive)

12.  Do hard things with confidence

What are your New Year's Resolutions?

Here we sit...

...back in my ghetto apartment after 2 1/2 weeks in California, my roommate passed out on the couch next to me, 2 new missionary letters sitting read on my desk, to-do list growing by the second, pondering the course of my life and this winter semester.

First of all, I had a wonderful time in California, with my family and friends, for Christmas and New Year's.  Christmas day was rather stressful for me, though I survived and thoroughly enjoyed the time away from school, the time away from cold and grey Utah, and the time I got to spend with those that I love.  As always, tears were shed as I bid my family goodbye for another 4 month stint. 

Since then, I have survived the first 2 days of classes, though I have to admit I could have done with a little more sleep...  This semester is going to be long and difficult, just like last semester, though I'm excited to get to spend time in Labor/Delivery, Mother/Baby, and Pediatrics.  I absolutely L-O-V-E-D my first clinical in Labor and Delivery, which began today.  I was having so much fun that I couldn't wipe the goofy grin off my face all day and my shift passed much too quickly.  Here's to the start of another GREAT semester!