I've had a lot of time to just ponder my future, where will life take me, what can i plan for, is the future any brighter than the present... etc. One of the topics I most frequently pause on is, of course, love. I've had a LOT of time to ponder this and reflect on my lack of "true love," and honestly, it sucks! It seems like every other song on the radio is about some love story, or somebody's love-life gone wrong, etc.
I love the idea of being in love, spending eternity with one special someone, having a family, having someone that is always there to listen and love me. I am not the kind of girl that gets asked out often, in fact I've probably been on... 5 or less *real* dates. Yeah, I'm almost 20 years-old and I've never been kissed, only had one boyfriend, and hardly have any dating experience. I'm kind, I try to get guys attention--the *right* way--by dressing modestly, being friendly, smile, talk, laugh,... Yet, no bites. Seriously!?
The one excuse I've heard for why one guy didn't like me, was because I'm intimidating. WHAT? I thought guys *liked* confidence. But then again, I am a brainiac, I like to lead in groups, I'm independent, I have goals and direction in my life. Are those things so bad? No? Then why does everyone act like they are?! Just because you're not on the same path as I am, it doesn't mean I'm not interested. I'm not asking for a marriage proposal, I just want a first date, heck I'll even settle for some guy to just *notice* me.
I feel like I'm doing everything right; I go to church, I read my scriptures, I go to church activities, I attend the temple regularly,... What am I doing wrong? Where is my Prince Charming? ...Heck, I'll even take a Beast. I just want to get out of the slump I've been in my whole life, the rut called "friends." It's the worst ditch to ever be stuck in because there really is no way to get out of it. I'm spinning my tires, going no where, and I have no clue what to do next. How am I going to dig my way out, sling some mud, and go out on a date? Do I have to take the first step, like I've done my whole life? Sure, I like to be a leader, but I also like the traditional model of dating, especially since I feel like guys would be even more intimidated if *I asked *them out. :-/
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2 comments:
I totally know what you mean! Story of my life, too! I was just lucky (or blessed) to find a Prince (ok, so I guess he's really a Beast) in my first boyfriend.
Dude, you are such an old maid, you might as well give up hope. :)
lol! Love you!
Don't give up hope :) I know you're not. I pretty much only knew guy s who wanted to be friends and only went on blind dates until Dave (if I don't count that 4 day stint with Joey...lol) I was of the opinion that guys looked at me more like I'm the marrying type and didn't want to date me because they were not wanting to go there. Thing was, all I wanted to do was go on dates and have fun too! It'll happen. For me, that wasn't until I was almost 24, and Dave was worth the wait :)
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